My New Joke

I've been doing the comedy circuit for about 3 months, that's rounding up. What I mean by comedy circuit is that I'm going up on stage every night I don't have work. And each time I go on stage I like to try at least one new joke. Some nights I've gone up multiple times and done very well, some nights I was just happy with an opportunity to tell jokes. Crowds vary, but what I've learned over the past few months is that to get the crowd to like you you have to be loose and look like you're having fun. It took a while for me to understand that. I have my jokes and very few times will I go outside of my set, but what I've learned now is a good comic will adapt to his/her own environment.

Now That I've been doing comedy consistently I've gained a lot of confidence in my material and my presentation telling my jokes. Sometimes I'll think of a joke, throw it around here and there to the people that are around me and don't get much of a response. There's been times when I tell a joke my friends, my coworkers, people I meet give me feedback like,"that isn't that funny," "I wouldn't say that," or my favorite, "Huh?" But when I am convinced the joke is there and I know it is funny I tell it. It doesn't need to be clever, it doesn't need to get people rolling with laughter, but it needs to be something my grandma would laugh at and approve.

This joke I came up with this past weekend maybe my favorite one to tell now. I think it's great. I came up with it hanging with my family listening to music. I told this joke not as a joke at first, kinda just something to make myself laugh, because nobody else got it, and I kept doing it. I thought about it and was convinced what I was doing was genius. I can't believe nobody thought of it before. When I say genius I don't mean e=mc^2, but genius as it is so simple and effective that it has the highest sense of originality. That's important to me, as a comedian I want to be my own comedian, I listen to comedians talk and tell jokes, I develop ideas on what I like and see in a comedian, but I'm my own persona. The only other joke I tell is my grandfathers and I don't tell it on stage; I won't, it's not my joke.

So this new joke I thought of this past weekend I love and I knew it was funny. After work on Monday I was going to go to Spiderhouse late night open mic and tell it. So to get it down I tell my friends, my coworkers, anybody that will listen before Monday night. And every person I told except one didn't get it. People didn't know what to laugh at. But when you tell a joke and you're convinced it's funny it comes through when you tell it. Leading up to Monday night nobody got it, they said,"What? I don't get it." and I laughed cause I know if somebody gets it they will find it hilarious. My coworker Cole said, "I don't get it." I say,"well it's like this and like that." He says,"oh, ha ha, people aren't going to get it." I say,"but the ones that do are going to love it."

So after work I drive to Spiderhouse, make the cutoff to the list by the skin of my teeth. There are so many comics wanting to preform they need to pull names out of a hat to create a list of performers. I made the list. I'm watching the open mic'ers tell stories, jokes with no point some of them no punchline, and I tell myself I'm going to kill it. As the list gets closer to my name I get excited telling this new joke, I think to myself how it goes and I start laughing! It's a cool feeling to be able to try out new material in a packed room. I love my new joke. Everybody tells me they don't get it, well I know it's funny cause if I saw that preformed on stage I'd think,"genius." So with all the excitement I have for my new jokes I'm going to tell I'm feeling good/ready to have fun. From the minute my name was called to get on stage I portrayed that. I went straight into my set and had people recognize my sense of humor. I got laughs from the minute I stepped on stage. I start going through my material that is familiar to me and I've got it down, I try two new jokes, then I finally get to the joke I've been waiting to tell all night. I set it up very well, I say it slow, so I don't caught up in the excitement in executing it too soon. The crowds attention is all on me and I tell the joke. People got it, I don't know who these people were, but they got it. During the joke I say the same thing three times, and each time I saw more and more people laugh. I saw people who did get it and explain to people who didn't get it why my new joke is funny. I heard people say, "Wow! That is funny!" Exactly the way I would react if I saw something I marveled.

I finished my set, the host took the mic from me and says,"Now that's how you do an open mic! Give it up for Jacob Perkins! Great talent! I hope to see you again next week!" I shake hands with my friends, strangers approach me to say good job. I'm convinced that my new joke, the joke people didn't get, the joke I knew was funny, set me apart from the dogs. I'm a wolf, I lead the pack, I don't need someones reassurance on things I should do.
The point I want to make in this blog post is that if you've got an idea that you believe in do not lot someone convince you otherwise. You're your own worst critic if you like your idea go for it.

My Seinfeld Episode

So I will tell a story that happened yesterday as honest as I can. Please note the emotions I omit through this blog story are not bitter cause I have found the irony in the situation.

So Yesterday, Tuesday June 17, 2014 I had school and after school later that night I would have a date with this beautiful girl named Julie. Now yesterday was my day off so all I had planned was to finish my school work and chill till I needed to prepare for the date; Julie was coming over for dinner. After class I picked up a 6 pack of beer I got for volunteering at Blues on the Green, which is a concert series in the park here in Austin, I picked up my beer because I needed some way to kill time today. Keep in my mind, I have no money, literally all I have is for the date I have tonight and that's all for groceries. I give Julie a call, no response, so I send a text saying, "Hey beautiful I was going to go to the grocery store, we're still on for tonight right?" I don't get a response from that text till like 4, and I sent it at 11. The whole time in-between I wasn't worried about it though, I just wanted to make sure we were still on for tonight so that I could spend my last $20.
I fall asleep to the world cup 30 minutes later I wake up to a  couple texts, Julie is saying that she gets off late and it would be too late for dinner, and I say well I don't mind a later dinner, she says okay, dinner at 8:30, I say "sweet." The other text was from my friend Kristina whom I haven't seen for a long time since she decided to pack her bags and leave Austin for Costa Rica, she came back and said to meet at secret beach at 4:30, I said I could do that.
So I go to the beach with my 4 pack of beers, I drank 2 killing time, and the sun is beaming down on Austin, Texas, I turn down an opportunity to smoke a bowl to go swim in the water. I see a tall blond skipping rocks so I proceed to say whatsup and make conversation. During my time at secret beach I befriend the whole beach, drink beers, share stories, and remind my listeners I will be the worlds greatest standup comedian and don't forget Jacob Perkins. I have a great time at secret beach. It ends up getting late so I say I gotta go, there's a date I got planned tonight and I need to get groceries. Once I get to HEB I have my grocery list with the ingredients I needed for "$4 dollar spaghetti that tastes like $20 spaghetti," courtesy of a cooking website my best friend Ethan told me about. I gather the groceries selectively because of only $20 in my wallet. I could've got robbed that day and would've found other things to be mad about. So I gather my groceries and proceed to checkout and at check out I'm $20.42, I thought it was $20.01 but then the overall sales tax came up. I run to the car and grab my last 50 cents. PS it wasn't in da club.
Once I get home with my groceries it's 8:10 and I have 20 minutes to make this spaghetti. I tell my roommate, who cleaned up a little bit for me cause he knew I was using the living room last night, that,"Man, this is like a Seinfeld episode gathering my ingredients to make a dinner that's in 20 minutes." I read the directions online for this spaghetti and it says,"Put mushrooms in oil and water and let it steam for an hour." I say, "An Hour!" f that, I'm not adding mushrooms, I got 20 minutes. So I scramble like Tony Romo at the line during a blitz, I'm cutting garlic, I'm boiling water, I'm improvising the fastest I know how to. Then I get a text from Julie saying,"I'm going to be a little bit later cause I'm going to pick up the salad at HEB." In my head I'm going, great, that's what I need, more time. There's shit in my room, there's stuff on the "dinner table," the food isn't ready; yes, please take your time. So I start winding down, the food is getting close to be edible and while I'm cooking I tell my roommate how Julie is a dime and I did very well, how we met, what she does, the whole spiel. I note that it's funny that she's all these great things to me, but dinner is being prepared half and hour before she's supposed to show up.
Then, I get a phone call, I say it's Julie, probably wondering what building I'm in. So I say,"Hey Beautiful," she then proceeds to tell me the heart wrenching fact of the night, that she won't be able to make it for dinner. I walk outside to hear her better, she's got a friend up north who needs to be picked up from work and doesn't want me waiting for her to eat dinner, I say it's fine the food isn't even ready yet, by the time you show the food will be ready. She says well, ya know I gotta shower for tomorrow, and it's going to be late, tonights not going to be able to work out, but when she's done with picking up Alyssa she's going to call me to talk about a few things.
BackStory: Julie and I have seen each other a handful of times, this would be our 3rd date.
I say,"What is there to talk about?!" She says, well ya know things, Alyssa's getting in the car I'll talk to you later. I say ok talk to you later.
My roommate walks outside, I say she isn't coming to dinner tonight, he goes, oh well I was going to tell you that your spaghetti is ready, I go,"well ok she isn't coming." Ian, my roommate goes,"Now that's a Seinfeld episode."
I laugh, ha, yeah and am bummed out about all the effort I put into this date, I bought fresh organic basil! Organic fresh basil! that shit is a spice, but I bought the real thing to be chopped up.
I tell Ian I would do Standup comedy tonight, but I literally have no money for gas, he says he'll give me $5 for spaghetti and I say yes, I really need gas money cause I spent all my money on this woman's night on fine dining. He slips me a $20 bill, now I owe him money, I went and told jokes, talked about my night, and it went really well. It wasn't till I started singing The Weight on stage with the band that I realized, life is good and you gotta roll with the punches life throws at you.
THE END.

I will Drink Less

I've been here and there since the last time I've blogged. I'm still the same person living in Austin, Texas, still running, living on my own. Since the last time I've blogged I've had good life lessons happen to me that end up being my stories, but I haven't wrote about them...maybe because I'm working on my story telling skills; writing is just another outlet I plug myself in.
Right now I'm chillen listening to Bob Marley's African Herbsman and life couldn't be going any better. I'm at a all time high in my life right now; I stopped smoking pot, I run, and I have purchased my first truck! I have had my fair share of lows' to know my life now is heaven on earth.
I was thinking to myself since I was given so much in life recently I should work on improving myself, there's still a lot of me that could use touching up. I think my biggest problem right now is drinking, I drink a lot and people jokingly say they are concerned for me, but with every joke is a little truth. I was given such a great opportunity recently, to buy the truck I have for an unbelievable price. I bought the truck, the truck is mine, bought with my money, but I know in me that that opportunity didn't just happen; I believe it was a gift from the cosmos. No good deed goes unpunished they say, if you work with me or hangout with me you've heard my stories how I've broken up fights, support a kid from Vietnam, risen to life's' challenges. Now I do all good in life because I was taught that as a kid what goes around comes around, I do what I do because I believe it is the right thing to do. Now I believe that all good goes unpunished. The truck I have is a gift from the heavens and I'm not about to mess that up.
Like I said drinking is my vice, I don't smoke, I hardly gamble, maybe a cigar here and there, but really drinking is where it's at for me. This truck I have isn't about to be taken from me for drinking and driving acting stupid behind the wheel. To make myself better, I want to vow to drink less, put myself on a budget. It's summer time in Austin, Tx and I'm not about to go out and buy drinks every night. If I meet less women cause of it so be it. To be a better person I will budget my drinking and cut it down. Life is too good to have it all end now.
Peace, Love, Rastafari.