Competetion

I was raised in a house that encouraged competition winning took being competitive. Even when I lose I say, "good game"and acknowledge the fact my competitors played a better game. Now I like to win, it's just in me and how I was raised. I only know one person who is okay with losing and that baffles me how she can be okay with it.
The story of this post is this, my girlfriend Shaina and I got into playing a board game called Sequence while she was in town. The point of the game is to take cards in your hand put markers on the board of your card to create five in a row. Sequence is a semi competitive game, most the time it's the luck of the draw and how you strategize with what you got, but there is a competitiveness in it. The game sequence is a great game to play in teams where your team tries to get two sequences of five before the other team. A major rule for this game is no table talk so you and your partner need to be on the same wavelength to win. Shaina is in town from Fort Worth and her time in Austin is limited, Shaina and I hung out with her friends Ashley and Marcus. The last two nights we played sequence with teams Shaina and I were pretty good against them the first night, but lost two out of three games.
Last night Shaina and I played them in Sequence again and I got competitive. Shaina didn't like that and thought I took a game too seriously, to me I didn't; I just like winning. I didn't say mean things like,"Suck it" but I talked trash like,"Watch and learn," nothing I thought was overly aggressive. Shaina and I ended up winning Sequence last night and I was psyched cause we redeemed ourselves and ended a great day with a win. On our way back to the car I said,"I think I was the most competitive player in that game." Shaina got frustrated with me to explain how it's a board game and the time spent playing the game with friends is the fun part, not winning cause winning Sequence doesn't get you anything. She wasn't trying to change my philosophy on winning but she wanted me to see the other perspective her friends had to bear of her and I playing against them.
My whole point is this, being competitive about any game or competition shouldn't be looked down upon if the other people aren't competitive. I want to win there's nothing wrong with that!

TGIF on Thursday

Usually I wouldn't post two blogs in the same day, but man do I got a story for you.

It's July 10th, 2014 at 2:30pm and I arrive at TGIF. My friend Josh put on his facebook there's endless appetizers going on for 10 bucks so I get a hold of my buddy Ronnie. The story to TGIF is one of its own. I tell Ronnie there's one downtown so we drive to the hotel that it's a part of. I chant "TGIF TGIF" as we pull up. I walk towards the hotel and Ronnie takes a minute and I yell,"c'mon grandpa." We get inside the hotel and turns out they renovated it so there is no TGIF inside the hotel. I'm bummed and tell Ronnie check google maps. On google maps it says there is one far down south and I was worried that we wouldn't go, but Ronnie said c'mon lets go.
Ronnie and I start driving on the freeway to TGIF and the freeway is backed up cause Obama decided to be in Austin the next couple days. As we're driving I'm talking going over what I've learned last couple days an app called uber and lift, a conversation a homeless guy and I had, nothing important just talking pieces for me. Finally we arrive to TGIF and again I am excited.
I walk in sit at the bar and ask about the 10 dollar all you can eat appetizers and the bar lady says yes. I'm instantly ready to have fun. I'm hungry, looking forward to this all you can eat and drinks too. I say what's your name, she says I'm Andrea and I say well we're your company for now I'm Jacob he's Ronnie she says pleasure to meet you and we order drinks. Now I'm parched so I finish my long island ice tea fast before our food arrives. I order another light on the ice. Ronnie and I start talking about porn, I ask where you watch yours, and making home videos, my experience with trying to make a home video all at level volume. Ronnie tells me to shut my mouth, but I insist to keep talking cause I have a point at what I'm trying to say. The food comes and I'm Mr. Fun I got my belly full, I'm crackin' jokes, thinking of new jokes, all at the typical noise level for my voice. I tell a black joke I thought of, it goes like this: "So I was crackin' jokes with a black person and the black person goes I do that too, and I say what, Jokes? he says nah, crack." Ronnie says don't say jokes like that anymore, I look over my shoulder and black people walk in. I say I'm always bad with first impressions cause I'm going to say what I'm going to say and if you don't like well the my first impression will be bad. I try my new pickup line on the bar lady. I'll tell you why, cause I told Ronnie and he said that's really funny, and I was like watch you got to watch it in action. So I try it out and the bar lady doesn't like it, but acknowledges it's a good line.
I finish my second long island tea order another one light on the ice and she say," Honey you're good, I can get you a water or a desert." In shock, I order a water. I go over in my head like forreal, you're going to cut me off, I'm just having fun on my second drink. Ronnie speaks up and goes I can't believe you got cut off and I go I know! It's my second drink. It took her a long time to get my water and when she did I said wow I feel like it's in a sippy cup. I didn't feel embarrassed more offended than anything. It killed my mood, I closed out my check and bounced out of that bitch.
In the car with Ronnie we were both in shock at what happened, I say yeah I understand from her perspective that I should be cut off for what I said, but I was just talking. Ronnie on the other side was like that was horseshit, and he didn't even get cut off. Pulling into the neighborhood not only did I vow that TGI Fridays I will longer go, but I learned that shutting your mouth has serious implications. 

The Pickup Line

So I was at work talking to Alicia as we were closing down the bingo hall for the night and I thought of a pickup line. I think it was inspired mostly by how women view me, so I tell my buddy Cole my pickup line he cracks up and says thats great.I've now established confidence in my pickup line I thought of. Cole and I after work go get a beer across the street, there's this comedy show called buzzkill being put on and there is tons of women. Now me I'm not worried about it, I got a beautiful girl I'm talking to and I'm not trying to ruin that. I see all these other cute girls around and think it'd be a good opportunity for Cole; I could be a wing man and that could close up yesterdays night, but instead calls his buddy Raul to grab a beer with us. We're all shooting the shit at the table Cole then leaves for the restroom and Raul is talking to me about Mexico. I'm interested in hearing how other people lived in other parts of the world but I see a cute blond girl sitting by herself, so once my buddy Cole got back to sit down and drink his beer I say,"I'm going to try my pickup line." Here's how it went down:
(walking over to the girl, her back is turned, I have my who body face hers then I talk)
"I hear you like bad boys"
"No"
"You wanna come over to my place and watch cops?"
"No"
"You didn't like that pickup line?"
"No"
"It's funny, do you know why it's funny?"
"Yes"
"Oh okay, well I thought of it at work I wanted to try it, hi I'm Jacob"
"Hi I'm Cynthia, yeah I didn't like it"
"Oh okay so where you from Cynthia?"
"Spain"
"Cool"
Ect. we talked for not much longer I was there to get a reaction on my pickup line. I sat down told my buddies pickup line again and we laughed. I said you can't win them all, then I thought, even if she didn't like it it started a conversation with her and that's half the battle. So maybe it is a good secret pickup line.

My New Joke

I've been doing the comedy circuit for about 3 months, that's rounding up. What I mean by comedy circuit is that I'm going up on stage every night I don't have work. And each time I go on stage I like to try at least one new joke. Some nights I've gone up multiple times and done very well, some nights I was just happy with an opportunity to tell jokes. Crowds vary, but what I've learned over the past few months is that to get the crowd to like you you have to be loose and look like you're having fun. It took a while for me to understand that. I have my jokes and very few times will I go outside of my set, but what I've learned now is a good comic will adapt to his/her own environment.

Now That I've been doing comedy consistently I've gained a lot of confidence in my material and my presentation telling my jokes. Sometimes I'll think of a joke, throw it around here and there to the people that are around me and don't get much of a response. There's been times when I tell a joke my friends, my coworkers, people I meet give me feedback like,"that isn't that funny," "I wouldn't say that," or my favorite, "Huh?" But when I am convinced the joke is there and I know it is funny I tell it. It doesn't need to be clever, it doesn't need to get people rolling with laughter, but it needs to be something my grandma would laugh at and approve.

This joke I came up with this past weekend maybe my favorite one to tell now. I think it's great. I came up with it hanging with my family listening to music. I told this joke not as a joke at first, kinda just something to make myself laugh, because nobody else got it, and I kept doing it. I thought about it and was convinced what I was doing was genius. I can't believe nobody thought of it before. When I say genius I don't mean e=mc^2, but genius as it is so simple and effective that it has the highest sense of originality. That's important to me, as a comedian I want to be my own comedian, I listen to comedians talk and tell jokes, I develop ideas on what I like and see in a comedian, but I'm my own persona. The only other joke I tell is my grandfathers and I don't tell it on stage; I won't, it's not my joke.

So this new joke I thought of this past weekend I love and I knew it was funny. After work on Monday I was going to go to Spiderhouse late night open mic and tell it. So to get it down I tell my friends, my coworkers, anybody that will listen before Monday night. And every person I told except one didn't get it. People didn't know what to laugh at. But when you tell a joke and you're convinced it's funny it comes through when you tell it. Leading up to Monday night nobody got it, they said,"What? I don't get it." and I laughed cause I know if somebody gets it they will find it hilarious. My coworker Cole said, "I don't get it." I say,"well it's like this and like that." He says,"oh, ha ha, people aren't going to get it." I say,"but the ones that do are going to love it."

So after work I drive to Spiderhouse, make the cutoff to the list by the skin of my teeth. There are so many comics wanting to preform they need to pull names out of a hat to create a list of performers. I made the list. I'm watching the open mic'ers tell stories, jokes with no point some of them no punchline, and I tell myself I'm going to kill it. As the list gets closer to my name I get excited telling this new joke, I think to myself how it goes and I start laughing! It's a cool feeling to be able to try out new material in a packed room. I love my new joke. Everybody tells me they don't get it, well I know it's funny cause if I saw that preformed on stage I'd think,"genius." So with all the excitement I have for my new jokes I'm going to tell I'm feeling good/ready to have fun. From the minute my name was called to get on stage I portrayed that. I went straight into my set and had people recognize my sense of humor. I got laughs from the minute I stepped on stage. I start going through my material that is familiar to me and I've got it down, I try two new jokes, then I finally get to the joke I've been waiting to tell all night. I set it up very well, I say it slow, so I don't caught up in the excitement in executing it too soon. The crowds attention is all on me and I tell the joke. People got it, I don't know who these people were, but they got it. During the joke I say the same thing three times, and each time I saw more and more people laugh. I saw people who did get it and explain to people who didn't get it why my new joke is funny. I heard people say, "Wow! That is funny!" Exactly the way I would react if I saw something I marveled.

I finished my set, the host took the mic from me and says,"Now that's how you do an open mic! Give it up for Jacob Perkins! Great talent! I hope to see you again next week!" I shake hands with my friends, strangers approach me to say good job. I'm convinced that my new joke, the joke people didn't get, the joke I knew was funny, set me apart from the dogs. I'm a wolf, I lead the pack, I don't need someones reassurance on things I should do.
The point I want to make in this blog post is that if you've got an idea that you believe in do not lot someone convince you otherwise. You're your own worst critic if you like your idea go for it.

My Seinfeld Episode

So I will tell a story that happened yesterday as honest as I can. Please note the emotions I omit through this blog story are not bitter cause I have found the irony in the situation.

So Yesterday, Tuesday June 17, 2014 I had school and after school later that night I would have a date with this beautiful girl named Julie. Now yesterday was my day off so all I had planned was to finish my school work and chill till I needed to prepare for the date; Julie was coming over for dinner. After class I picked up a 6 pack of beer I got for volunteering at Blues on the Green, which is a concert series in the park here in Austin, I picked up my beer because I needed some way to kill time today. Keep in my mind, I have no money, literally all I have is for the date I have tonight and that's all for groceries. I give Julie a call, no response, so I send a text saying, "Hey beautiful I was going to go to the grocery store, we're still on for tonight right?" I don't get a response from that text till like 4, and I sent it at 11. The whole time in-between I wasn't worried about it though, I just wanted to make sure we were still on for tonight so that I could spend my last $20.
I fall asleep to the world cup 30 minutes later I wake up to a  couple texts, Julie is saying that she gets off late and it would be too late for dinner, and I say well I don't mind a later dinner, she says okay, dinner at 8:30, I say "sweet." The other text was from my friend Kristina whom I haven't seen for a long time since she decided to pack her bags and leave Austin for Costa Rica, she came back and said to meet at secret beach at 4:30, I said I could do that.
So I go to the beach with my 4 pack of beers, I drank 2 killing time, and the sun is beaming down on Austin, Texas, I turn down an opportunity to smoke a bowl to go swim in the water. I see a tall blond skipping rocks so I proceed to say whatsup and make conversation. During my time at secret beach I befriend the whole beach, drink beers, share stories, and remind my listeners I will be the worlds greatest standup comedian and don't forget Jacob Perkins. I have a great time at secret beach. It ends up getting late so I say I gotta go, there's a date I got planned tonight and I need to get groceries. Once I get to HEB I have my grocery list with the ingredients I needed for "$4 dollar spaghetti that tastes like $20 spaghetti," courtesy of a cooking website my best friend Ethan told me about. I gather the groceries selectively because of only $20 in my wallet. I could've got robbed that day and would've found other things to be mad about. So I gather my groceries and proceed to checkout and at check out I'm $20.42, I thought it was $20.01 but then the overall sales tax came up. I run to the car and grab my last 50 cents. PS it wasn't in da club.
Once I get home with my groceries it's 8:10 and I have 20 minutes to make this spaghetti. I tell my roommate, who cleaned up a little bit for me cause he knew I was using the living room last night, that,"Man, this is like a Seinfeld episode gathering my ingredients to make a dinner that's in 20 minutes." I read the directions online for this spaghetti and it says,"Put mushrooms in oil and water and let it steam for an hour." I say, "An Hour!" f that, I'm not adding mushrooms, I got 20 minutes. So I scramble like Tony Romo at the line during a blitz, I'm cutting garlic, I'm boiling water, I'm improvising the fastest I know how to. Then I get a text from Julie saying,"I'm going to be a little bit later cause I'm going to pick up the salad at HEB." In my head I'm going, great, that's what I need, more time. There's shit in my room, there's stuff on the "dinner table," the food isn't ready; yes, please take your time. So I start winding down, the food is getting close to be edible and while I'm cooking I tell my roommate how Julie is a dime and I did very well, how we met, what she does, the whole spiel. I note that it's funny that she's all these great things to me, but dinner is being prepared half and hour before she's supposed to show up.
Then, I get a phone call, I say it's Julie, probably wondering what building I'm in. So I say,"Hey Beautiful," she then proceeds to tell me the heart wrenching fact of the night, that she won't be able to make it for dinner. I walk outside to hear her better, she's got a friend up north who needs to be picked up from work and doesn't want me waiting for her to eat dinner, I say it's fine the food isn't even ready yet, by the time you show the food will be ready. She says well, ya know I gotta shower for tomorrow, and it's going to be late, tonights not going to be able to work out, but when she's done with picking up Alyssa she's going to call me to talk about a few things.
BackStory: Julie and I have seen each other a handful of times, this would be our 3rd date.
I say,"What is there to talk about?!" She says, well ya know things, Alyssa's getting in the car I'll talk to you later. I say ok talk to you later.
My roommate walks outside, I say she isn't coming to dinner tonight, he goes, oh well I was going to tell you that your spaghetti is ready, I go,"well ok she isn't coming." Ian, my roommate goes,"Now that's a Seinfeld episode."
I laugh, ha, yeah and am bummed out about all the effort I put into this date, I bought fresh organic basil! Organic fresh basil! that shit is a spice, but I bought the real thing to be chopped up.
I tell Ian I would do Standup comedy tonight, but I literally have no money for gas, he says he'll give me $5 for spaghetti and I say yes, I really need gas money cause I spent all my money on this woman's night on fine dining. He slips me a $20 bill, now I owe him money, I went and told jokes, talked about my night, and it went really well. It wasn't till I started singing The Weight on stage with the band that I realized, life is good and you gotta roll with the punches life throws at you.
THE END.

I will Drink Less

I've been here and there since the last time I've blogged. I'm still the same person living in Austin, Texas, still running, living on my own. Since the last time I've blogged I've had good life lessons happen to me that end up being my stories, but I haven't wrote about them...maybe because I'm working on my story telling skills; writing is just another outlet I plug myself in.
Right now I'm chillen listening to Bob Marley's African Herbsman and life couldn't be going any better. I'm at a all time high in my life right now; I stopped smoking pot, I run, and I have purchased my first truck! I have had my fair share of lows' to know my life now is heaven on earth.
I was thinking to myself since I was given so much in life recently I should work on improving myself, there's still a lot of me that could use touching up. I think my biggest problem right now is drinking, I drink a lot and people jokingly say they are concerned for me, but with every joke is a little truth. I was given such a great opportunity recently, to buy the truck I have for an unbelievable price. I bought the truck, the truck is mine, bought with my money, but I know in me that that opportunity didn't just happen; I believe it was a gift from the cosmos. No good deed goes unpunished they say, if you work with me or hangout with me you've heard my stories how I've broken up fights, support a kid from Vietnam, risen to life's' challenges. Now I do all good in life because I was taught that as a kid what goes around comes around, I do what I do because I believe it is the right thing to do. Now I believe that all good goes unpunished. The truck I have is a gift from the heavens and I'm not about to mess that up.
Like I said drinking is my vice, I don't smoke, I hardly gamble, maybe a cigar here and there, but really drinking is where it's at for me. This truck I have isn't about to be taken from me for drinking and driving acting stupid behind the wheel. To make myself better, I want to vow to drink less, put myself on a budget. It's summer time in Austin, Tx and I'm not about to go out and buy drinks every night. If I meet less women cause of it so be it. To be a better person I will budget my drinking and cut it down. Life is too good to have it all end now.
Peace, Love, Rastafari.