My Dilemma

I don't have problems in life, I live pretty worry free, I got car insurance, gas, bread, chocolate milk and after that its just fun money spending time, but I do have situations I don't know how to deal with. Probably the biggest one thats been bugging me for a while is that my family calls my grandfather "Popo" which is a cute name my cousin gave him as a kid, the only problem is when I say the family calls him Popo I mean really just me along with the little kids in family. I can't shake it though, my older cousins stopped calling him that like 4 or 5 years ago and just call him by his name, "Dick", and I feel super weird about calling my grandfather Dick. My grandfather is the most honest man on the planet, but I'm still suprised he hasn't called me a sissy girl for calling him "Popo" at the age of 18. He is one of those who joined the navy too, so at my age he was being yelled at by people, treated like junk, and here I am saying"Popo is there anything I can you at the grocery store" first off treating him like an old man like he's not capable of going to the store himself and then totally sucking up to him like I'm his bitch. It just is bad and it constantly happens. It also sucks that I talk to my dad about him and since he knows I call him Popo he calls him Popo to make it seem like even the big boys call him that, bless his heart. I'm okay with talking about him with other people and calling him "Popo" because I know the women in the family find it acceptable, but I just feel weird. I dropped off some boat part to him and he was on his on his friends boat and when I was leaving I didn't know how to say goodbye, like I had to say something, he's my grandfather, but I didn't want to embarrass him in front of his friend by saying, "Bye Popo", but I also didn't want to say,"Bye Grandpa" and throw him off, so I just said,"HEY! I'm leaving".
I told one person in my family my dilemma and that person blew up. She started saying,"It's not weird I call my grandmother Grammy" I said,"well your'e a women" then she decided to go in this approach,"well what else you going to call him, Big Dick?" "no" "You can't call him Small Dick, that can be offending and you can't call him Grandpa Dick because then he just seems old......yeah you're right, you are in a Dilemma"

Ta Da

I'm just sitting in a haunted room typing my ideas for this post. I stopped writing for a while and it kinda is embarrassing, I was posting like mad crazy until I realized I have the power to sleep away the day, so I am putting a stop to that. Today I was in the car with Ethan returning from the beach with no women riding with us and I started thinking"man I am fat, lazy, and losing my suave" so here is my "get life back together plan":

1. Wake up no later than 9:30am
2. Workout 4 days a week and run the rest
3. No fast food/less soda
4. Party like a rockstar

Thats pretty much it, I had spring break last week and I saved 15 bucks in gas by playing call of duty all week long, thats not good. When I was home schooled in 7th grade I watched tv a lot and when MTV had spring break week I always was like"That's me in college". People were drinking, getting with women, hanging at concerts, getting tan. It rained my special week and my stomach wasn't on par to get with smoking hot women. I understand that getting with women is over rated, but when people ask you"how was your spring break?" and you reply"I'm really good at throwing tomahawks in Call Of Duty now" rejection from hot women is even better than complaining about a butt sore. So I'm going to work on that.
 Ps Let me clear up my buddie Ethan last post wrote"for the record I have the smallest penis known to man kind" I didn't delete it the second time because I didn't notice it and its pretty funny.
I was thinking today"Jacob you gotta get an iphone so you can get a twitter, all comedian have twitters to prove they're funny". Lets break down that thought I had. "Jacob" good I'm getting my name right, "you gotta get an iphone so you can get a twitter" this is a serious thought and how dumb does that sound, I have to get an iphone to twitter, I guess you gotta punch me in the face if your mad too. No. Now that I'm typing this I can not sound more ridiculous. "all comedians have twitters to prove they're funny" I'm definitely pulling a smeagle on why I should steal the ring from Frodo, I have to convince myself that I have to prove I'm funny, which can only happen on twitter, but I can only access an account if I have an iphone? Retarded.
I don't understand why people who aren't entertaining are asking me to follow their twitter, why in the world would I want to follow somebody if there facebook status's are "gonna go ball it up" can you imagine how boring their twitter would be. If your posting on facebook stuff like that thinking people care, then thinking that"hey if I post every hour what I'm doing people will like it". I'm not a hater, but I believe in stupidity and the world is full of it. I really want to find somebody on this planet that cares that I ate a turkey sub. Before facebook people had this genius idea to keep all unnecessary thoughts in their head, but facebook greets everyone with"whats on your mind" which leads people to think the internet cares that "My bathroom's clean". Have you ever notice its the people who add you that post the pointless things? Its like the person is saying "People need to know that my brother is good at karate". I rambled a lot, but before I stop typing because I got a call to fight crime with Ethan this I think is funny.
A women texted me this week saying"I want a relationship where I don't have to care and I can practice hooking up, can you provide that?" which is a really funny question to ask a guy cause first off that sounds like a fake craigslist ad and a lot of guys dream about that, so of course I said "sure", 3 days later I'm thinking yeah but then I'm going to have to text her and hang out with someone I didn't plan on hanging out with, its just a hassle. I think thats funny, but then again that can just be an excuse for me to brag and turn down some blumkin action.

Running With the Bulls

So March 22, 2011 had a lot of events, but my favorite is running with the bulls. I'll start the day in order. So I was staying over at Ethan's house and we woke up at fricken 12 o' clock(we are on spring break) and Ethan goes"Man you gotta go Linda is coming over (she's his scary ex-stepmom) soon", so I get up and start moving. I go over to my grandparents to hang with my nanna and she is sitting there at the house watching"who killed who" shows, she tries to explain the reason why its on is because of my grandfather, its like Nanna you can always change the channel hellooooo. I just think thats funny, like me blaming my strange obsession with "The Dog Whisperer" because I happen to lose the remote every-time its on. So me and Nanna were watching cold case files trying to figure out if a multimillionaire business CEO killed his wife, he was found guilty, but I don't think he did it. I pulled out my computer and started teaching myself photoshop. After finishing this:

I was bored waiting on my friend James Mata(Him and my good looking ex girlfriend named Justine went to the beach without me). I decided now was the time for the perm I've been wanting to get. I want a perm just to be able to say I have, I'm aware that I probably won't be as good looking, but I'm not looking to get married now, so there's no woman that I'm out to impress. However, I went to Fantastic Sam's and the lady told me to sign in, I signed in and asked"how much is the perm?" "50 dollars" I scratched my name out and said"I'm going to find a cheaper place". Oh and real quick, just as a side note, I have the smallest penis in the world. I taught that Korean lady a lesson. I called James and told him I'm going to this barber shop on El Toro road that does it for 25 bucks, he said he wanted to be there to document it. I arrive at a shop, take a number and wait. I started noticing this barber shop is weird like they'll shave your beard or trim it for you(I kinda want to do that to feel like a man, but I just have random pube-like patches on my face after a week of no shaving and I'll say"one trim please, keep it simple" they'll say"get out" I'll say"no I'm a paying customer" they'll say"seriously, get out, I'm not touching that junk" and I'll boycott them from now on). They also charge you for your kid to sit on your lap, thats weyud, but if I had a kid and I payed $2.50 for them to sit on my lap I would just make it worth it like encourage it to fart loud or have it question the hairstylist like"My dad is lonely, are you lonely(assuming that the stylist was good looking). Anyway so I was just hanging for a 6 minutes to find out that the hair place next door does the perms, so I walked over and the lady said my hair is too short! Sorry I'm not giving you everything you need to work with Korean lady.
Me and James try to be indie like we try to take pictures and wear old clothes(James is wearing a nice red sweatshirt and we all know red aren't bulls favorite color), so when I called him and told him that my hair was too short we decided to go take pictures. I knew of this cool spot by my grandparents and as we are driving I see an old broken down car and cows on this big grassy path. I yell to James to stop the car and go back and he goes"Those aren't cows those are fucking bulls, look, they got horns!" I tell him that we'll be fine and its all about being spontaneous in life. James turns the car around and this is where the real story begins. We both have cameras so I know either way this story would be documented. When parking on the side of the road I start changing into clothes I can look good and run fast in, James is still trying to convince me we can die, he's like"You do realize a bull can kill us right? It has horns and can run faster than us", but I'm so focused about taking a picture next to him I'm saying "ohhhhhhhhh we'llll be fine don't worry about it". This field is surrounded by barbed wire so have to jump it James goes"We have to jump back over, and it wont be as easy as getting in so if we get chased....""Ohhhhhhhh we'llll be fine don't worry about it". We started climbing a monster of a hill to see the bulls were already waiting for us, they were just staring, the black mamba of that herd started walking closer, thats where I decided to turn back. James got all excited, but I was like we aren't going back to the car, we are just going the long way around. James and I used to run cross country in highschool, James now smokes on average 2 cigars a day, I have gained 20 pounds since highschool, we are out of breath hiking. When we got to the top of this monster hill out of sight from the horned monsters I saw a watering hole, so I decided to take a picture, but then me and James saw a tree like it was out of Lord of The Rings, so we ran over there to take some indie pics. By the time we finished, the bulls wised up and moved to our only exit out of there, so we did what we had to do, run down a steep cliff. We survived running down the cliff, barbed wire went in my hand trying to climb over, but I don't like to make a big deal about that. We survive this huge trip that took us an hour. From there we go to the Irvine Improv where I see a good looking performer who is 30 something, I flirt with her and she calls me kid. I'm still trying to get her see that I'm an adult, so hopefully that works out. The last part of the "Running with the Bulls" day me and Ethan sat around a jacuzzi and had a heart to heart talk, which is always the best.

(I will be adding pictures of this adventure once I'm done editing them)

Count It

I should be sad. I lost 500 dollars tonight. I should murder my friend who lost a good part of it. Yesterday I was blessed with 500 dollars from this guy named Cole, he just sent me 500 bucks, but in order to take it out I had to bet the same amount in my account. So I had to bet 500 dollars worth to take it out. I put in a bet(which won) and then got the text of what teams to pick to win money from Cole, well, I was at work when I got the text. So I called my business partner aka James Mata to put in the bets, I specifically tell him how much I want to put in and what to do. He can't do that. He puts in the wrong teams as in he puts Oakland Thunder instead of college basketball, he was supposed to put in the Kings NBA Basketball and he puts in Kings hockey. Whatever. It happens. So now I'm out of all my blessing because the Heat had to lose to the Trailblazers. Imagining my life has a laugh track helps get me through these moments. That is only that last 48 hours. Since my last posting I stayed in a haunted house by myself, talked to a stripper, made friends with my ex girlfriend, tried to help my friend lose his virginity, and tried to impress a women.
All I can tell you is that I survived the night, the stripper's name is Christina and she talks weird, my ex girlfriend Kristine said she never hated me and I said"I'm done hating you" and now I can stop acting scared about walking into golden spoon(she works there), I'm still trying to impress this women who is Ethan's girlfriend's bestfriend, but she doesn't text me back so who knows whats going on there? Not me.
I want to talk about the friend who was supposed to lose his virginity because that is fricken funny. This girl who is friends with this guy we work with sees my friends facebook and goes"wow I want to....."have sex with him"....now". So my buddie gets all pumped for this, I was 3rd wheel in this group of 5 and I did everything I could do to help him out. I got tickets to a comedy show, I drugged the girl, and I even yelled at her. All that would usually work, but to my friend, he couldn't get anything done. Long story short he didn't and his reaction to it was priceless. I was like "man you are one pathetic loser" quoting Dumb and Dumber and this is his reaction, "You know what man, I didn't even want to have sex with her, I didn't even want a kiss, she's more than a slut, I like talking to her, you might think she's a slut, but when she texts me, she's not". Comic gold. He defended her as his excuse why he didn't have sex with her. I think thats the funniest thing thats happened since my last post, but you might be a bigger of fan of me losing 500 dollars.