El Dorado "Where Dreams Are Made Of"

There is a reason the road to El Dorado hasn't been found. I went and looked for it at Morango indian casino, its not there. This was a venture I've been excited about for 2 months, I put money away for this event, I bought nice close to look good in, and I even managed to not tell my parents about it so they couldn't stop me from going. I went with 2 of my newest closest friends, Daniel Taghdiri and Alex Cedarholm. It was Alex's birthday last weekend, so his parents got him a room for us to gamble the night away. We all agreed this would be a fun time and they disagreed with me not finding the gold of el dorado. Dan and Alex did a lot of.....shit talking on the way up. Daniel thought I would lose everything and people would think I'm retarded for my outfit(nice white button down, gray tuxedo jacket, black bow tie, and blue volcom jeans) Alex just likes to comment on how I am homeless and shouldn't be spending "rent money" on something I'm bound to lose in. I don't know how long they will be my "newest closest friends". Nobody has faith in me on whatever I do, especially volleyball(I kick ass in volleyball).

The car ride was long because of traffic and Daniel getting frustrated with me, I did a lot of keeping quiet. After driving for 2 hours of tension in the car, we get there and it looks beautiful. If a building could be seductive it would be this building. The lights are flashing us, the tower is huge, and there great parking up top, if you know what I mean ;). On the lower level I think its funny they had V.I.P. parking for"tribal members only", I mean white people have so many benefits in life and these indian tribes think they put us down for walking 2 extra minutes? no. We park and walk inside and it is glorious. Daniel tells me to"stand by the mercedes" so they can go to check-out without me(its cheaper if they don't know I stayed with them). Keep in mind whatever I type about what I did people had no faith in me, they thought I'd be drowning all trip. I walk over to roulette and put 5 dollars in(its electronic) I win 10, I walk around some more. I notice Dan and Alex are looking for me like I'm their missing child since I'm not by the mercedes, but then they finally see me and I show them a thumbs up and they laugh at "how stupid I look". That is the face I saw all trip. They get the room and I throw 20 on blackjack and they are like shit thats expensive(its my second time there, I know, I'm badass). I win 50. We go to the room and they keep thinking its dumb luck. Whatever. Alex writes a note that says"Jacob will lose all his money by the morning" and posts it up on a wall, so we can all see it. We go back downstairs and I'm finally dressed in my winning attire. Alex and Dan decide to go to the buffet to get food, I am not hungry and play blackjack, they come back after 30 minutes and I am up 100.

I am usually a loud person when it comes down to winning and victory speeches, but when I'm winning with skill instead of luck I shutup real quick and pay attention. A casino isn't the best place to be a comic anyway, people don't usually laugh at"better not screw it up for us" when 100 dollars is on the line for them, especially when they better not screw it up when its the last of what they got. I'm hot all night, of course I lose hands, but I'm betting smart as in I don't throw my money on 1 bet, I take baby steps. Alex, Dan, and Daniel's brother Andrew(he showed up a little later) are amazed how I'm winning. I get so cocky I give probably in total of the whole night give 110 bucks in chips to them, Daniel alone loses 80 of it. Daniel for the one talking the most shit has lost everything by now, he attempts to win it all back on electronic roulette and loses it all on going back to blackjack. He's probably the dumbest friend ever. Alex and Andrew both won 100 on poker which means....they are now even. I max up on 400 bucks up, but lost some of it when my table closed(last time I went there was a table where I literally won all my money back). The group stops talking to me since I am so much better than them. I gamble most of it away until 5am then wakeup at 11am to make my 150 400 again. I was on the right road until Carl showed up. Ef this dealer, some dealers are super cool and help you out big time, some dealers are rude and don't give a shit for you, and some dealers are quiet, don't have an opinion, and watch you lose your money slowly. Meet Carl. I was back to 250. It was 12:30, Dan had work at 3. I thought my "friends" would pull me away, so we could go, but no. I had to give them one final memory. I. Lost. It. All. I get excited over winning, but I make a bigger scene when I lose. I started yelling, telling Carl that every card he flips over is"gay" and he"can go f himself". The security guard was right behind me, Daniel is crying of laughter, and my clothes are in Walmart plastic bags because I don't have a suite case . I legitimately looked like I was"a homeless person who was gambling rent money". I thought I found El Dorado, but I found myself instead being 80 dollars under. The one thing that kept me sain leaving was"I expected to spend 100 bucks here, so its like I'm walking away with 20", yup, thats what I said.

Quotes while walking out"You're so retarded"says Dan, "That sucks" says Andrew,"I wish we had that note that says you were going to lose it all in the morning still" says Alex.

The final score of the trip, Andrew: +100, Alex: even, Jacob:-80, Daniel:-200.

UPDATE: Due to Daniel feeling stupid he wants me to say he lost "only 100" dollars.

Here are my work dope rhymes:
bitches be like..spoiled brats/my destination crosses lots of black cats/cant see the truth with the mirror smashed/i prefer the crank that over the monster mash/you can't take the thug out of my habitat/if i took your fame you can have it back/ill fight your anger with my laugh attack/my farts are bad, so i sit in the back of class/i always finish in the front, you are in last/root word to my name is cadalac/i swear ive earned all of lifes scooby snacks

the world is meant to see differently/thats why we have all these fun mysterys

giving something up that you dont want/is like selling at store bought

So I'm at work and this man named Armondo mocks me by saying he is 2 times the age of me. He kept saying how he was so old, so I ask"how was world war 2?" he says"we kicked some Vietnamese ass out there"

I Need an Audience

I don't really need an audience, but shit if they put me on MTV people would think that its okay to have the same thoughts. I'm real, I will standup and go to the bathroom, but before I go I will stretch and say to the person I'm standing over"I'm checking your text messages don't mind me". I'm not actually looking, but people actually do that, they will do whatever it takes to see what the other person is saying. People are weird, but not open about it, everybody has a side to them that they don't want people to see. Even though I try to be real with everyone, there is a side to me I don't want people to see, I'm selfish and greedy, whatever, it happens. I have a different side for everyone, I don't want my mormon friends to see that I curse, I don't want my grandparents to see how I am disrespectful to my parents, I don't want my friends to see how I flirt with women. It's weird, but its real. I sometimes think of life like a basketball game, like I may fall dramatically to get the free throw, but I'm not actually hurt. Not enough people ask questions on life, people walk around assuming they know how everything works. I don't even ask enough questions. I'm very strong minded on whatever information I know. If there is a dead space during conversation I'll tell the person"So who do you want to talk shit on? If you bring up a topic I got something against them" people think its a joke because it is, but deep down I mean it, if you are sitting in a room with me and we got nothing, I'll judge anything. Horrible trait about myself.
I want to talk about this: 2 days ago I got an email about a woman who is dieing and she wants to give her inheritance of 8.5 million away to someone who can help out humanity in some way. I got this email in my spam box and read it and thought it was a huge joke. Here is the email
"

ATTENTION With Due Respect an Humanity, I was compelled to write to you under a humanitarian ground. My name is Alimat Hassan From Benin, I am 25yrs old; I am daughter to late Dr. Henry Hassan. a contractor and diamond dealer for Thirty-two years before he died in the year 2005. After a Cardiac Arteries Operation. I am the only child. And Recently, My Doctor told me that I would not last for the next six months due to my cancer problem (cancer of the lever and stroke). When my late Father was alive he deposited the sum of $8. 5. Million in one security company here in Cotonou,Benin Republic for safe keeping. Presently this money is still in the Cotonou,Benin Republic as soon as i hear from you i we give you the contact. for you to contact them. Having known my condition I decided to hand over this money to your care and if you know that you will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct you herein, I will be very happy to do so ensh GOD. I will want you to use this money according to the desire of my late. Father, to use it for investment, orphanages, and using it to propagating the word of GOD. I want you to know that I took this decision because I dont have any sister nor brother that will inherit this money, and I dont want this money to be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision to hand you over this money to your hand. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I want you to always remember me in your daily prayers because of my up coming Cancer Surgery. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I have stated herein. Hope to receive your urgent reply. Due to the present condition of my health, I was warned by my doctor to avoid receiving or making any call. You can always reach me through this mail.  Yours Sister  Miss.Alimat Hassan"

I thought it was a joke because I didn't know what was what so I responded"Sure when do I pick it up?"
then the weirdest thing happened. She replied! She sent more details, a picture of herself, and a picture of the document. I was blown away. I know that this most likely isn't ever going to happen, it just doesn't make sense. But her new email said she wanted to know more about me, so she knew who she was talking to and I didn't know what to say. I was sitting there with Ethan and he was like "Can you imagine all that weed?(inside joke)", but it really got me thinking, how could I help the community? What would I contribute? How do I explain who I am in an email? I couldn't explain in an email. How do you sum up your life to a stranger in an email? You can't unless you're asked that question a lot. I just responded I live in California and I want to be a standup comic and my dream job is to make people laugh in hospitals. I said something about how life is never meaningless everybody has a reason to wake-up in the morning because she said she saw no purpose in life. That was that story. She hasn't responded, but it makes you think. I think the whole point I'm trying to make in this post is be real with yourself when thinking what kind of person you are. I'm pretty sure this was a huge ramble, but If I make sense to anyone thats cool. If you read this far into the post then I'll just assume you want to be part of the audience ;)

Valentines Day.

Every valentines day kids buy chocolates and roses trying to be romantic because the chances of them getting laid is higher. I wasn't having any of that this year. Ethan, Daniel Taghdiri, and my dad were my Valentines. Ya I said it. 3 guys. I still wanted to feel the love without actually feeling the love.

Mr. Saulcito's Lecture for Chapter 5

This teacher I don't like and today I decided to take his powerpoint lectures and simplify them, so I took out all the big words that were just space. This is chapter 5: Business Management. Ps. He's a coach of comedy for the guy in the video at the bottom.

• Good managers do the right thing and accomplish goals at cheaper price
• Make sure you manage correctly
• Managers=leaders
• The organization of organizing process must take time
• Leaders=guide and motivate
• Controlling process=make sure organization is meeting its goals

(Explains for 10 minutes on how the school is offering classes in March)

• Managers are different. There are top managers, middle managers, and lower managers

(Spends 6 minutes explaining that you will not have a job in the work force if you can't work with a computer. Heres his joke:" Go apply at Target, and ask for an application, they'll be like sure its on the computer. You won't be able to get a job.")

• Biggest time wasters
• paper work
• email
• telephone
• meetings

(Spends 8 minutes explaining checking email at work is bad. "When you open it you have a decision, do you trash it?, read it?, or respond to it?".......heres a couple jokes of his"My brother called me last week hahaha I'm laughing because I still haven't called him back""Email? We are at the point I think where we don't have to respond to every email.....we dont even have to read them either in fact!". Here he is giving life advice"The best strategy which is what I do is open your email, close it, and open it back in 2 hours".)
This class was an hour and a half. I quote him word for word.

Can't Stop Partying

I can't stop. I won't stop. I'm sick with some virus and it doesn't stop me. Entertain a whole class, can't stop. Pushing cars for people, won't stop. Being "called out" over facebook to fight, won't stop.
Heres just 1 day of whatevers to me. I'm easily entertained so its not like my life can get boring, but I naturally run into these situations. I don't force fun because then telling the story of it isn't as fun and unpredictable.
Heres my Friday February 11, 2011.
I logg on facebook at 12am and the day has already started with this guy Bobby Browne calling me out over facebook.

This is why I am naturally entertaining. I did nothing for this, you can see he has no reason and it just sits perfectly on my lap for me to talk about. He says I talk shit. Okay. I'll talk shit, 1 of the people that 'liked' this status aka one of Bobbys friends is named Brandon Zinzafuck and he has a restraining order for being a freaking creep and going to my neighbors games by himself. Theres more. I sent a message to him with this picture a couple months ago:

I photoshopped this with a picture he had on facebook.

and not only did he tell my neighbors like a bitch, he cried. He walked away crying. My neighbors thought he was a perfect piece of shit. No. So theres an idea for the people that hate on me. If anyone who hates me reads this(which they will). He put this picture on the internet making it public for the world to see it, I didn't break any laws on this. So back to my day. I went to bed thinking to myself"wow, Bobby may be retarded" I can take a picture of the whole thing and if he really wanted to come after me, I can show the police and that would end that. I leave to take the snapshot in the morning hoping maybe he smarted up and deleted the post. No. He didn't.

We'll get back to this, I went to philosophy feeling like crap and just sat there, I don't like my teacher, he reminds me of my science teacher when I was in 9th grade and I did not like that man. Me and Ethan showed up late, so it was the first time we didn't sit next to each other(this is a 4 hour long class). I sit next to some attractive people and start talking, the attractive people like me. When class finally gets out I check my voicemail since I got a call from some weird number. Its the Wipe Out office and they say they like my stuff(I'll make a post of that story soon) all I need is an online profile(which I made later that night). After class Ethan needed to get some school supplies and I thought I would give him company to staples which is literally right down the hill from where we live. When we get in the car he shows me his fancy "Red Bull". I'm not impressed, I hate energy drinks. I try to hurry him up to just get stuff done, but the car is having trouble to start and when it does start up, it doesnt for long. My friend Ethan and Kelsey have always wanted to drive until they ran out of gas because it seems"fun". Its not fun. I had to get out and push when I was sick, but when we finally got it to the Chevron down the hill, where there where mexicans working at the car wash. It wasn't easy, we needed this mans assistance and when we finally got it up the slope, Ethan didn't say"thank you", he said"gracias". I think thats pretty funny. It didn't even occur to him. As he is paying for gas all I have to say is"What happened to your wings?".

I usually have work on Fridays, but I got it off because I wasn't feeling good, so I go to my grandparents instead and log on facebook. Bobby just kept it up and my buddie Daniel Taghdiri defends me like the sweetheart he is. Bobby's post is getting some attention, so this is what I do. I post this"hey bobby I took a picture of this post so if you come anywhere near me, I'll make this a big deal, you can try and make up excuses why you want to hit me, but earlier you say you have no reason. I know you wanted to seem badass by putting this as a status so everyone can see, but you're retarded and I'm not going to fight you. Keep blowing up though its been entertaining for a lot of people. 

PS call me a fag all you want, but I don't get offended like you do when I say you're retarded. So please keep hating on me, it does nothing." This is what he does, he deletes me from his friends list and deletes the post like a little girl. My friend Dan sends the same thing saying"hey Jacob meant to send this to you....", but he deletes that like a little girl. So now he is the only one who is allowed to say shit on his post I guess cause he's super baddass? Whatever. I send him this message.

Heres a tip. If you're trying not to prove my point of you being retarded, learn to spell correctly. We didn't fight. We won't fight. Can't stop. Won't stop.
Ps. All my posts are real. You can laugh, Bobby's after me not you.

The Day Me and Ethan Ruled the World

Today, February 10, 2011-a date that will live in infamy-Jacob Perkins and Ethan Hall of Foothill Ranch California, were suddenly and deliberately attacked by Mr. Salcito and his fat stomach. Business Tuesday/Thursday from 10:15am-11:40am.
(I tried to make it like the Pearl Harbor speech)
If you havent read before Mr. Salcito is a fat man that pisses me off because he is a horrible teacher and can't do anything right, but I have to go to his class or my grandparents will get upset. Me and Ethan were in class just sitting there, Ethan was watching the clock, I was saying smartass comments to the class. For example Mr. Salcito was writing on the board and I go"Strong has an R in it", he was talking about how Walmart has everything for like 6 minutes as an example for his lecture and I go"yeah they even have electronics". He might think I'm retarded, but I am openly mocking him. He wasn't even teaching, the book from which he was reading from, didn't have a certain definition for him to talk about so there was a 25 second pause because he didn't know how to explain"National Competitive Advantages".
I look over at Ethan who is just looking at the clock and he writes down on paper(we sit right next to each other)"Wanna get out of here?" I look at him him and say "yes" so fast. We start gathering our notebook stuff and I look at our "friend" who is taking notes. I say"write all the notes for us", he says"all of them are online". Why the hell do I go to this class. Me and Ethan standup in the middle of a lecture and leave, but as I'm walking down the isle my oakley key chain gets caught on a desk and makes TONS of noise. Me and Ethan walked out of Mr. Salcito's class with the biggest "F you", not only do we leave in the middle of a lecture, we do it so loud that all the focus is off him and on us. I've done rude things before, but I have never felt so powerful walking away in a situation. It was obvious we hated being there, the class was envious, I know because nobody enjoys listening to a man describe drinking juice like sucking a dick. Mr. Salcito took time explaining how he tasted a juice that was called "Grape Sack", but the whole class didn't understand he was saying"sack" so he clarified it 3 times and I said "sack?" under my breath and he was like "Yes Grape SACK". He started saying the juice was thick like a loogie and his kids loved it and couldn't get enough. So I got a mental applause while leaving that class and felt like a king. I am king.

You Know You're a Tool When...

1)You make a joke in your raised truck going under a bridge"heh heh I don't think it will make it"
2)You drive in mario kart with the Wii one handed
3)You wear your letterman jacket to a school dance
4)Half of your facebook status's are about the gym or food
6)McDonalds isn't good enough for you


I'm going to keep adding on to this post, but if you have any to add I encourage you to type them as a comment in the comment box.

Correct Me if I'm Wrong

But I think the word "haters" is trademarked by rappers, basketball fans, and douche bags. Rappers as in black people, basketball fans as in Laker fans, and douche bags as in 3/4 of my friends on facebook. I got some mad haters, but I don't want to use that word because I don't want the people who trademarked it to get angry at an outcast. I need a new word....Jealous? Envious?....Honkays! I got a lot of honkays telling me I'm not funny and my standup video"sucks dick". First off a video can't suck dick unless its an actual dick sucking video and 2nd off I'm flattered you clicked on my dick sucking video and spent time out of your day watching my video that sucks so much dick. You must be gay if you watched it. Back to honkays. Theres nothing I can do to impress them, like I can carry around Jessica Alba's panties that she signed herself and the honkays would be like...."she's not even hot"....Um! Have you seen Jessica Alba she's pretty damn hot, theres a reason why she's on the movie screen and not your dumb girlfriend who gives you a handjob"every once in a while"isn't. If I can make friends with every honkay. I wouldn't. They are a waste of time like me trying to explain my age to my 90 year old great grandmother. Football players don't look into the crowd and explain every time why they slapped another players ass. Otherwise known as a"good game", they just let the show continue. They even give"good games" in the middle of the fucking game. Meaning I'm going to slip up sometimes and if I don't "defend" its not because I'm a "faggot that watches gay porn all day", its because I know whatever I say you're going to be watching my show. I'm hoping to give you the show in HD so I can make it that much clearer for you honkays out there, I don't care and I'll be a millionaire while you're still living in that talking shit phase back on facebook to get 'likes' by random people hoping one of the persons that 'liked' your comment is good looking. I'm better than you. Get over it.

Ke$ha's Gotta Have $ome $hitty Days too

There is no way Ke$ha everyday wakes up, puts glasses on, brushes her teeth with a bottle of Jack, and has the intention of never coming back to her house/condo/dumpster/whatever. I get the joke and the song are old, but Ke$ha has to have bad days is all I'm saying. I mean she uses P Diddy as her metaphor about how she wakes up, but I'm pretty sure when Biggie Smalls died(P Diddy's best friend) by being sprayed with bullets he didn't wake up the next day go"OH! I have hit songs, I'm good". No. He moped for a long long time because not everyday is"da bomb". I understand that Ke$ha is just making catchy music and I'm being douchy for over-thinking a dance song named "Tik Tok" when they can't add a couple "c's" in there to make it correct spelling, but this is a great transition into my day.
FEBRUARY 8, 2011.
I was still awake at 12am feeling on top of the world with these bets that I made making easy money, so instead of going to bed I researched what more games to bet on today. I put little fun money on things because I know nothing about sports and I felt I would let Cole do his thing the next day. I went to bed finally after putting random parlay bets on things that are just checkmarks to me, but it was to difficult because I felt like P Diddy going to bed(assuming that P Diddy every night counts his money in his head and finds new things to buy). When I woke up at fricken 8:30am because I was dreaming of handing my grandmother 500 dollars cash because she deserved it while random hot girls were watching me do it and thought I was so dreamy. I got super.....pumped and woke up because I thought it was real. So I got up and just started looking at stats getting ready for big money my way and bragged in business class how I'll have a 1,000 in my account by Friday. Basically I made it so if anybody knew I dropped back down to 0 that I would forever be wrong about any other sport pick durring my gambling career. I'm a good hype man about how awesome I am. All the games are Eastern time so they start at 4. Lets just say even if Ke$ha woke up everyday feeling like a rich male african american, she's still looked at as a blond Lady GaGa want-to-be whore who can wakeup feeling like Bruce Wayne, but at the end of the day, it's possible for her...not to be feeling like she owns every party. As I type this I'm still banking on that original bet that I did at 12am with all those fun checkmarks to win it all. Vegas!

Might Take Some time, but Totally Worth it

I've had this idea to write about my weekend because there is some definite stories in it, but now I'm sitting here not knowing where to start.....Friday! I posted a little ish because I knew my friday night would not be exciting and I wanted to type, but little did I know Friday set the wheels in motion for the progressively funny weekend.

My buddie Brandon Cirbo had a status update asking if anybody would like to join him and his father at open casting call for "Wipe Out" and I want to go on a game show so bad because 
1. I'm good at trash talking during a serious situation
2. I don't lose.
So of course I wrote down on his status update "I want in so bad, but I got a new phone and I'm going to need you to text me for details."...he didn't(yet), so I went to work on a Friday night with no super big plans for the weekend. I sucked it up and just danced and sang at work just trying to make the best of my Friday night, which in my opinion makes Oakley glasses made with love from me. Your welcome. It was slow, so I asked Bossman Pete if I could leave early and he said"Yes." and I said "Yes!" and left that beach so quick to go.....play Mario Kart with the best group of friend I could ask for, Brian Gomez, Brandon Cunnane, Daniel Taghdiri, and Nick Plumb aka Big Black and I kicked all of their asses. We played for a good couple hours and I left because I was tired and right as I pull into my buddies house Brandon texts me! Texting isn't enough and I call him and I get super hyped up about this show. Its in downtown Disney at the ESPN zone and its whoever goes can audition. The only problem I was asked to Trabuco Hills winter formal by...Daniel Taghdiri, he wanted me to go, so he just got me a date with the beautiful Aiko Makus, so I had to tell Brandon that I couldn't go because I didn't want to risk being late for Aiko or the group. Brandon being the sweetheart he is just said "well have fun, hopefully we can hang lataz". It was hard to turn him down, but I had to be responsible and consider the fact I can ruin someone else's night completely. I finally walk in the house and tell Ethan and he seemed interested(I told him about how I wanted to go on "The Price is Right" and he didn't care) so I ask him"Would you want to go?" he says"Hell ya man, I've actually been wanting to get on that show for a while". I'm sold. He had concerns about actually doing challenges because he just got nipple surgery 2 weeks ago and he finds every excuse he can with it, but whatever its no biggie. I tell him everything Brandon tells me and we find ourselves waking up at 8:30 am on Saturday. Well....I wake up at 8:30am and make sure everything is good to go so we can just leave and when I go to wake-up Ethan at 9am he tries to convince me"he'll meet me there". No. As we get moving I have to pick up my grandfather's tux from his house before we go, but they locked the door since they are on their yacht for the weekend, so I am stuck trying to find the key my Nana set out for me, but I can't find it, so I call her and here is our conversation.
"Hey Nana its me, I'm trying to find the key by that Cactus thing you were talking about and I can't find it"
"Oh hi Jake, well I knew you'd call so I put it somewhere else".......Oh you knew I'd call? You couldn't just text me that its in a new location? Thats like me telling my friends a joke and they say they like it and I go"what do you like about it?' and they say"Oh nothing, we just wanted you to feel stupid". Anyway, I finally get everything going and we head off to auditions when they start at 11 am. It's 9:15isham. I'm feeling good about being in front of the line. Wrong. I pull up to parking and Ethan goes"Shoot. I don't have my ID card", so I felt a little rocky right there, we get out and I notice a very pretty girl gets out of her car right next to mine, so I talk obnoxious, so that I know she hears me because I'm hilarious. She pulls away with her father and I see this neon color signs in front of ESPN zone. Looks like we aren't first. Me and Ethan walk around the whole building. On our adventure around the building we see people dressed up as ridiculous things like: Pharaohs, Mario/Luigi, Pirates, Lumberjacks, Fat workout Instructors,  Bananas....ect, ect. I'm thinking"Do these retards really think that bringing Halloween in February will get them on the show?"
Joke Idea: Gay is a word for happy people, but now it is a word to describe homosexuals(which is okay), but I wish the word"retarded" was made before mentally challenged people so that it was okay to call somebody"retarded" without people making a scene and getting offended. I'll write it lataz.
As Ethan and I are waiting in line guess who comes up? The pretty girl with her father. We become friends because she laughs at everything and those people are my favorite people. Brandon and his dad "Doug" join us. Conversations going great, all 4 young people are talking, the fathers are becoming friends, I'm feeling a good interview. One of the "Wipe Out" crew workers comes up and is passing out mandatory stickers for everyone and up comes one of these Cow dressed retards and I feel like I have to say something funny in front of this guy to impress them, so I stand there for a minute trying to think of something and when the cow leaves I say"I wonder if she is mooooooooving to the front". The guy just is like"wow", not like he's amazed, but like he's disappointed. Can't win em all. 11am hits and the line is mooooooving ;). Ethan gets the girls number, me and Brandon are jealous, it's whatever though because we gotta stay focused for this interview that could change our lives temporarily. We finally get called into this building after 2 hours of waiting and we are separated by good looking girl who's name is now discovered:"Kristina" and Ethan says one of the funniest things I've ever heard him say"(to the guy in pharaoh costume) Doesn't he know whats going on over there in egypt? Shouldn't he be fighting in a revolution? That may be the worst thing you could have worn anywhere. Whats the guy going to do in the interview if they go um.....? Oh...to soon?" so great. Kristina finds her way to my good looking body again and we get in the same "interview" group. The woman in charge gives us tips like"if they ask you what you would do with the money, be creative, like say you would go on a trip to the moon" I go "thats not very creative, now I know why you're not on the show...". A little cocky, but I'd rather say some things in life then pretend I said it. The uncreative lady leads us to the fat Hawaiian lady who tells us how the "interview" is going to go in a whisper directed at one person when it is intended for a group of 8 people. The room we are in is next to the ESPN zone bar and arcade machines. Its loud. Ethan is positioned in front of me and we are trying hard to listen to other peoples answers to figure out what to say. It gets to us.
Heres Ethan's answer:"My name is Ethan Hall, I'm 19, I'm from Cincinnati, Ohio, and I play FOOTball!"
Heres my answer:"My name is Jacob Perkins, I'm 18, I live in Huntington Beach, and when I get excited I go"WHOOO"".
Ethan didn't make the cut, I did. I don't know how that works out, but if you're ever wanting to go on a game show my best advice is just tell them how you react when you excited. I scheduled my appointment while Ethan looked stupid on the side lines and I flirted with Kristina, like the winner I am. Me and Kristina are scheduled this Wednesday together ;). So me and Ethan finally peel out of that beach and rush home for that winter formal I'm going to. I'm running a little late, but Ethan needs his ass handed to him in Call of Duty so I teach him a lesson, then he comes up with excuses and makes me play again and I did not preform. Gotta lose some to win some. I get dressed. I look like a thug. A gentlemen thug. I go pick up my date Aiko who is looking glorious, I'm looking glorious and for both of us its our first time meeting each other(I know that doesn't make sense, but I've met so many people where they remembered me and its like my first time meeting them again because I have no clue who they are). Pictures went smooth for a whole hour and a half while bragging about how I'm going to be on wipe out. My friend Quinn Taber decided it would be fun to have dinner for 2 and a half hours before the dance, so by the end of dinner people were tired of me talking obnoxiously of how I'm still in college attending "SFS"(San Francisco State) and my views on abortion. If people won't talk, I will. When we finally left for the dance me and Aiko had to ride with Daniel and his date, who started making me angry when I started to tell some standup jokes and she just judged them hard. Let me just say, if I'm telling jokes and your sitting like a bitch judging every word I say like you're better, please feel free to speak up and try to make me laugh because I will judge you just as hard. So I ended up not caring for his date right off the bat and the car ride was quiet the whole time, some people just like to take everything like a high stakes poker game I guess. Approaching the dance line I feel a little weird since I graduated and everyone knows who I am because I was on the morning announcements close to everyday, so people are looking at me weird and whispering. I realized that people are already talking so there is nothing I can do to defend myself anymore and I don't really care for these people and what they say because I'll be a millionaire and they can suck it. Dance music is playing and it sucks. I hate Electronic or dubstep or any of that stuff. I love Ke$ha's "We R who We R", Black Eye Pea's "Imma Bee", John Travolta's "Summer Nights", but not this DJ Pauly D type music. Basically this dance was a great Saturday night, but not like a once in a lifetime night. Dancing opened my eyes that I need to run again because my breathing has just disappeared .
Side note: There were a lot of freaking people that graduated already there and they were probably freaking on the dance floor too.
After party was all I could ask for....a jacuzzi. I felt heaven at that moment because shortly before I had some delicious pizza hut and I enjoyed everything with my favorite person: Sarah Barker. I'm satisfied with my night after tasting heaven and getting closer to my goal: Being on TV by 20.
SUNDAY!
We just got there people. I know. I know. Every story starts out"I woke up", but I do have some good waking up stories. I woke up and message this man Cole Bartiromo who calls sports games and he was currently 11 for 11 and I had to give credit where credit is due, this man is awesome. He filled me on some sport picks and I'm risk taker so I listened to him. He said Parlay Ohio, Celtics, and Packers, but I took to long with getting set up and I couldn't put down for the Ohio game. My mistake because he was right on everything. Ohio destroyed, Celtics were losing big time, but then come out of no where and show Magic they aren't as "magical" as they wish, hehe, and the superbowl. There were points where it could've been close, but this man guaranteed this game and I had faith. I put down 35 and won 57 and lost it all on a cheating dealer named Gina on online poker. I didn't want to gamble I actually wanted my money, but I have to have at least 100 dollars in my account to wire it back to my bank account. I had $94 and I'm not patient. I bet some and it wasn't winning and I finally go I'll win it back and get out. Um this dealer hit "21" 3 times in a row! So ef Gina and screw online poker. I am announcing my retirement on online poker. All in all it was a great Sunday, I made money from work, I made money from Cole Bartiromo(check out his website:http://dollarscholar.com/ he went 14 and 14 for sunday putting down 200 and won 40,000, check this guy out), and learned never to trust an ugly dealer woman over the internet. Good weekend. I live a fun happy life because I'm spontaneous. Be spontaneous.