My buddie Brandon Cirbo had a status update asking if anybody would like to join him and his father at open casting call for "Wipe Out" and I want to go on a game show so bad because 1. I'm good at trash talking during a serious situation
2. I don't lose.
So of course I wrote down on his status update "I want in so bad, but I got a new phone and I'm going to need you to text me for details."...he didn't(yet), so I went to work on a Friday night with no super big plans for the weekend. I sucked it up and just danced and sang at work just trying to make the best of my Friday night, which in my opinion makes Oakley glasses made with love from me. Your welcome. It was slow, so I asked Bossman Pete if I could leave early and he said"Yes." and I said "Yes!" and left that beach so quick to go.....play Mario Kart with the best group of friend I could ask for, Brian Gomez, Brandon Cunnane, Daniel Taghdiri, and Nick Plumb aka Big Black and I kicked all of their asses. We played for a good couple hours and I left because I was tired and right as I pull into my buddies house Brandon texts me! Texting isn't enough and I call him and I get super hyped up about this show. Its in downtown Disney at the ESPN zone and its whoever goes can audition. The only problem I was asked to Trabuco Hills winter formal by...Daniel Taghdiri, he wanted me to go, so he just got me a date with the beautiful Aiko Makus, so I had to tell Brandon that I couldn't go because I didn't want to risk being late for Aiko or the group. Brandon being the sweetheart he is just said "well have fun, hopefully we can hang lataz". It was hard to turn him down, but I had to be responsible and consider the fact I can ruin someone else's night completely. I finally walk in the house and tell Ethan and he seemed interested(I told him about how I wanted to go on "The Price is Right" and he didn't care) so I ask him"Would you want to go?" he says"Hell ya man, I've actually been wanting to get on that show for a while". I'm sold. He had concerns about actually doing challenges because he just got nipple surgery 2 weeks ago and he finds every excuse he can with it, but whatever its no biggie. I tell him everything Brandon tells me and we find ourselves waking up at 8:30 am on Saturday. Well....I wake up at 8:30am and make sure everything is good to go so we can just leave and when I go to wake-up Ethan at 9am he tries to convince me"he'll meet me there". No. As we get moving I have to pick up my grandfather's tux from his house before we go, but they locked the door since they are on their yacht for the weekend, so I am stuck trying to find the key my Nana set out for me, but I can't find it, so I call her and here is our conversation.
"Hey Nana its me, I'm trying to find the key by that Cactus thing you were talking about and I can't find it"
"Oh hi Jake, well I knew you'd call so I put it somewhere else".......Oh you knew I'd call? You couldn't just text me that its in a new location? Thats like me telling my friends a joke and they say they like it and I go"what do you like about it?' and they say"Oh nothing, we just wanted you to feel stupid". Anyway, I finally get everything going and we head off to auditions when they start at 11 am. It's 9:15isham. I'm feeling good about being in front of the line. Wrong. I pull up to parking and Ethan goes"Shoot. I don't have my ID card", so I felt a little rocky right there, we get out and I notice a very pretty girl gets out of her car right next to mine, so I talk obnoxious, so that I know she hears me because I'm hilarious. She pulls away with her father and I see this neon color signs in front of ESPN zone. Looks like we aren't first. Me and Ethan walk around the whole building. On our adventure around the building we see people dressed up as ridiculous things like: Pharaohs, Mario/Luigi, Pirates, Lumberjacks, Fat workout Instructors, Bananas....ect, ect. I'm thinking"Do these retards really think that bringing Halloween in February will get them on the show?"
Joke Idea: Gay is a word for happy people, but now it is a word to describe homosexuals(which is okay), but I wish the word"retarded" was made before mentally challenged people so that it was okay to call somebody"retarded" without people making a scene and getting offended. I'll write it lataz.
As Ethan and I are waiting in line guess who comes up? The pretty girl with her father. We become friends because she laughs at everything and those people are my favorite people. Brandon and his dad "Doug" join us. Conversations going great, all 4 young people are talking, the fathers are becoming friends, I'm feeling a good interview. One of the "Wipe Out" crew workers comes up and is passing out mandatory stickers for everyone and up comes one of these Cow dressed retards and I feel like I have to say something funny in front of this guy to impress them, so I stand there for a minute trying to think of something and when the cow leaves I say"I wonder if she is mooooooooving to the front". The guy just is like"wow", not like he's amazed, but like he's disappointed. Can't win em all. 11am hits and the line is mooooooving ;). Ethan gets the girls number, me and Brandon are jealous, it's whatever though because we gotta stay focused for this interview that could change our lives temporarily. We finally get called into this building after 2 hours of waiting and we are separated by good looking girl who's name is now discovered:"Kristina" and Ethan says one of the funniest things I've ever heard him say"(to the guy in pharaoh costume) Doesn't he know whats going on over there in egypt? Shouldn't he be fighting in a revolution? That may be the worst thing you could have worn anywhere. Whats the guy going to do in the interview if they go um.....? Oh...to soon?" so great. Kristina finds her way to my good looking body again and we get in the same "interview" group. The woman in charge gives us tips like"if they ask you what you would do with the money, be creative, like say you would go on a trip to the moon" I go "thats not very creative, now I know why you're not on the show...". A little cocky, but I'd rather say some things in life then pretend I said it. The uncreative lady leads us to the fat Hawaiian lady who tells us how the "interview" is going to go in a whisper directed at one person when it is intended for a group of 8 people. The room we are in is next to the ESPN zone bar and arcade machines. Its loud. Ethan is positioned in front of me and we are trying hard to listen to other peoples answers to figure out what to say. It gets to us.
Heres Ethan's answer:"My name is Ethan Hall, I'm 19, I'm from Cincinnati, Ohio, and I play FOOTball!"
Heres my answer:"My name is Jacob Perkins, I'm 18, I live in Huntington Beach, and when I get excited I go"WHOOO"".
Ethan didn't make the cut, I did. I don't know how that works out, but if you're ever wanting to go on a game show my best advice is just tell them how you react when you excited. I scheduled my appointment while Ethan looked stupid on the side lines and I flirted with Kristina, like the winner I am. Me and Kristina are scheduled this Wednesday together ;). So me and Ethan finally peel out of that beach and rush home for that winter formal I'm going to. I'm running a little late, but Ethan needs his ass handed to him in Call of Duty so I teach him a lesson, then he comes up with excuses and makes me play again and I did not preform. Gotta lose some to win some. I get dressed. I look like a thug. A gentlemen thug. I go pick up my date Aiko who is looking glorious, I'm looking glorious and for both of us its our first time meeting each other(I know that doesn't make sense, but I've met so many people where they remembered me and its like my first time meeting them again because I have no clue who they are). Pictures went smooth for a whole hour and a half while bragging about how I'm going to be on wipe out. My friend Quinn Taber decided it would be fun to have dinner for 2 and a half hours before the dance, so by the end of dinner people were tired of me talking obnoxiously of how I'm still in college attending "SFS"(San Francisco State) and my views on abortion. If people won't talk, I will. When we finally left for the dance me and Aiko had to ride with Daniel and his date, who started making me angry when I started to tell some standup jokes and she just judged them hard. Let me just say, if I'm telling jokes and your sitting like a bitch judging every word I say like you're better, please feel free to speak up and try to make me laugh because I will judge you just as hard. So I ended up not caring for his date right off the bat and the car ride was quiet the whole time, some people just like to take everything like a high stakes poker game I guess. Approaching the dance line I feel a little weird since I graduated and everyone knows who I am because I was on the morning announcements close to everyday, so people are looking at me weird and whispering. I realized that people are already talking so there is nothing I can do to defend myself anymore and I don't really care for these people and what they say because I'll be a millionaire and they can suck it. Dance music is playing and it sucks. I hate Electronic or dubstep or any of that stuff. I love Ke$ha's "We R who We R", Black Eye Pea's "Imma Bee", John Travolta's "Summer Nights", but not this DJ Pauly D type music. Basically this dance was a great Saturday night, but not like a once in a lifetime night. Dancing opened my eyes that I need to run again because my breathing has just disappeared .
Side note: There were a lot of freaking people that graduated already there and they were probably freaking on the dance floor too.
After party was all I could ask for....a jacuzzi. I felt heaven at that moment because shortly before I had some delicious pizza hut and I enjoyed everything with my favorite person: Sarah Barker. I'm satisfied with my night after tasting heaven and getting closer to my goal: Being on TV by 20.
SUNDAY!
We just got there people. I know. I know. Every story starts out"I woke up", but I do have some good waking up stories. I woke up and message this man Cole Bartiromo who calls sports games and he was currently 11 for 11 and I had to give credit where credit is due, this man is awesome. He filled me on some sport picks and I'm risk taker so I listened to him. He said Parlay Ohio, Celtics, and Packers, but I took to long with getting set up and I couldn't put down for the Ohio game. My mistake because he was right on everything. Ohio destroyed, Celtics were losing big time, but then come out of no where and show Magic they aren't as "magical" as they wish, hehe, and the superbowl. There were points where it could've been close, but this man guaranteed this game and I had faith. I put down 35 and won 57 and lost it all on a cheating dealer named Gina on online poker. I didn't want to gamble I actually wanted my money, but I have to have at least 100 dollars in my account to wire it back to my bank account. I had $94 and I'm not patient. I bet some and it wasn't winning and I finally go I'll win it back and get out. Um this dealer hit "21" 3 times in a row! So ef Gina and screw online poker. I am announcing my retirement on online poker. All in all it was a great Sunday, I made money from work, I made money from Cole Bartiromo(check out his website:http://dollarscholar.com/ he went 14 and 14 for sunday putting down 200 and won 40,000, check this guy out), and learned never to trust an ugly dealer woman over the internet. Good weekend. I live a fun happy life because I'm spontaneous. Be spontaneous.
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